"Bad Boys/Good Boys" -- The Pitfalls Of Being An
Insensitive Dad by Lee Wise
Author: Lee Wise
Copyright date: 2003
Word count: 1139 w/bio
Characters/line: 60
"BAD BOYS/GOOD BOYS"
Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad
© Lee Wise 2003 All rights reserved
I WAS AMAZED
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. A father and
his son had entered the men's room. While I was washing my
hands, I listened as the father wielded a series of
demanding and demeaning statements at his son as if they
were swords in a battle for ... who knows what?
And all about going to the bathroom quickly!
It was the perfect victory. The enemy (the son) had been
slain. The battle was won. The general had summoned his
one-man army to do his bidding.
It was also totally and completely ridiculous. There was
no consideration for the feelings or physical needs of
the young person.
The "bad boy" had won the day -- and the bad boy was not
the son.
It was the son's insensitive dad.
I WAS SADDENED AND ANGRY
This incident occurred while on vacation. I loved vacation
except for one aspect: watching fathers deal with their
children.
I was sad. And I was angry.
The "interesting" thing was that when I related this
observation to my daughter and son-in-law, they proceeded
to share with me *their* same discouragement while they were
on a recent trip to a theme park.
Their message was the same:
"We had a great time.
The only discouraging thing was
seeing dads with their children."
I AGREE: IT'S NOT EASY
I am a father and I would be among the first to declare that
raising children is not an easy task.
Parts of it are rough. Real rough.
I would also be quick to admit the times I have failed as a
father.
But I do hope that no one has ever said this about me after
observing my relationship with either my children or grand-
children:
"We saw the most discouraging thing today.
This guy was a jerk. The way he treated those kids was
awful.
No respect. No honor.
Only demands and unrealistic expectations. I tell ya,
it was sad."
WE KNOW THERE IS A BETTER WAY
Let me be quick to add: all is not bad. I have seen many
loving, caring fathers throughout the years. I *love*
watching those types of dads relate to their children. It
is one of my personal delights in life :)
With that in mind, I am offering a few simple suggestions
for a better way: a better way for fathers to relate to
their children than the two negative examples I have shared
with you.
I will center my suggestions on five themes:
1. Consideration
2. Respect
3. Humility
4. Compassion
5. Love
Two comments as I transition into my suggestions:
*You will quickly discover that this will not be a long
and drawn out discussion of these themes. Enjoy.
*Many of the points will be shared through using simple
"affirmations" -- or descriptive comments if you
please. These affirmations will help you personalize
what is said.
So...
We have discussed a few of the "bad boy" characteristics.
Let's turn our attention to five characteristics of the
"good boys." That is, men who are determined *not* to be
thought of as "one of those insensitive dads."
CONSIDERATION
Consideration says...
"I adjust my expectations according to the needs, maturity
level and emotional capabilities of the child I am relating
to at the moment."
Because of the important aspects of the statement you just
read, I'm going to repeat it and break it down for you.
That's my part.
Yours will be to reflect on each aspect as you read it one
more time. Reflect on it through the lens of how you would
have liked to be treated as a young-person-in-the-making.
"I adjust
My expectations
According to
The needs,
Maturity level
And emotional capabilities
Of the child
I am relating to
At the moment."
RESPECT
Respect says...
"I see this person entrusted to my care as one who is worthy
of my honor, approval and love."
This mental stance provides for me a frame. A frame I wrap
around my child *to begin with.* The child is worthy of my
honor, approval and love -- from the beginning.
It is a part of the package each child should *sense* in me
from "Day One" so-to-speak.
HUMILITY
Humility says...
"Because I am still learning, I give my child space and time
to learn."
"Because I still fail, I forgive and support my child when
he or she fails."
"Because I respond poorly when people are angry with me for
reasons I do not understand, I resist all uncontrolled and
self-centered anger when dealing with my child."
COMPASSION
Compassion says...
"I am a 'show and tell' person.
*I show my child I care.
*I tell my child I care."
"I strive to be gentle, not harsh."
"I care and my child senses it."
LOVE
Love says... all of the above.
A DISCLAIMER
Let me make something perfectly clear: children can -- and
do -- hurt their parents.
Good parents. Parents who in a very real sense lay down
their lives for their kids and still get kicked in the guts
while trying to help their children be happy and succeed in
life.
These parents know a special kind of pain. A pain that no
one really wants to understand. I salute those parents.
You may be one of them.
So my disclaimer is...
*I realize this is a two-sided fence
*My purpose is not to add guilt to a conscience
already plagued by the "Why's" of their child's
bad attitudes and behavior -- in spite of hundreds
of hours of trying to do what's right.
Rather, if you happen to be one of those parents --
and especially a dad since that is the topic of these
comments -- I want you to hear these words:
"I thank you for trying."
I thank you for trying and for the lonely hours
you have spent that only you, and possibly your
spouse -- and God -- knows about...
The tears. The heartache and the pain that goes
on and on as each new report surfaces about some
action or attitude your child has displayed."
For those times, tears and heartache -- I reflect
to you my appreciation. And I'm sure I
represent only one of many voices that would
echo the same to you if they could.
Therefore, review these comments and take note
of each positive thing you have done. Take a
bow. You deserve it."
Yours for a day filled with beautiful moments in time,
Lee
-------------------------------
Lee is a seminary administrator, has a part-time business
at home, and writes two motivational ezines: "A Beautiful
Moment In Time" and "Hope For Daily Living." Permission
is given to distribute article. This paragraph must be
included. Email: Lee@motivation-for-daily-living.net
Link: http://www.motivation-for-daily-living.net
About the Author
Lee is a Seminary Administrator, has a part-time home business, and enjoys writing two family friendly ezines that are motivational in nature.
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MyDoom Virus & How YOU can help! by Val Burnett
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Nature Will Not Imagine by Charles Douglas Wehner
Near Death Experiences -- Is There A Logical Explanation? by Lady Camelot
Need a great Family or On-Your_Own Winter Activity? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Networking - It's Important! by Sue and Chuck DeFiore
Never Be Lied To Again! by John M Satterfield CHt
New Age for Walking Canes by b star
No Invitation Needed: Sacred Children Series - 3 of 3 by Skye Thomas
No Nonsense Nutrition by Dr. Rita Louise
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Offer less-SERVE MORE by Deborah Harr
On the Hunt for a Job? Build Professional Resources by Steve Hall
One click from answer - How to find required information on the net, overview. by Greg Keins
Optimize At Design Stages by Anthony Parsons
Ordinary People Can Live with Significance by David DeFord
Organic Search Engine Optimization by Anthony Parsons
Organisation Tips for the Mobile Executive by Lorraine Pirihi
OVER-TRAINING by Gil Burgos
Overweight Gurus by Dr. Donald A. Miller
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Passing on the Keys by Gary Shirley
PC Doctor+ Guide 1 Viruses by Steve Latimer
People Questions: Responding Positively To The Influence Of Others by Lee Wise
Perception...What Are Your Patients REALLY Hearing by Livvie Matthews
Pets "R" Us by Sulana Stone/www.SedonaVisionQuest.com
PHP in the Command Line by Robert Plank
Planning a public relations presence online by Pete Prestipino
Planning A Website by Regina Stevens
Plato's ATLANTIS -- Fact, Fiction or Prophecy? by Lady Camelot
Play Online Slot Machine Game by Mark Tanne
Post-Nasal Drip and Its Effect on Bad Breath by Dr. Harold Katz
Posturing yourself as the expert by utilizing google search by Jason Blackston
Potatoes are healthful! by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Power Up On Lentils by Susan Rutter
PPC For Dummies - Part One Of Two by Scott Van Achte
PPC For Dummies - Part Two Of Two by Scott Van Achte
PR Going According to Plan? by Robert A. Kelly
Prevention by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Price your eBook to Sell Well by Judy Cullins
Proactive High Performance Teamwork by Livvie Matthews
Professional Skin Care Look by John Russell
Promotion Techniques by Lori Redfield
Putting Spirit First: Goals For Your Soul by Avalon De Witt
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Quality Of The Air We Breathe At Home Or In The Workplace by Peter McGarry
Quick Ecommerce Tutorial by Michael Zittel
Quick Tactics To Brand Your Business And Make More Sales by Charles Kangethe
Quick Tip- The OTHER Anchor Tag by by Tinu Abayomi-Paul
Quick, Easy Money...And Horse Feathers by Kirk Bannerman
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Raising Emotionally Intelligent Sons by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
Ready? Go! Tweak. by Ronnie Nijmeh
Real Business Opportunities and Tips by Dawn Tiner
Real Soy Sauce by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Reality Testing & Emotional Intelligence by Susan, certified emotional intelligence coach
Realize Your Book Dream In 2004! by Judy Cullins
Realizing the Potential of Your Writing Output by Jim Green
Reciprocal Linking by Jason Blackston
Reincarnation: Sacred Children Series - 1 of 3 by Skye Thomas
Relocation Issues -- Who Will Pay? by Steve Hall
REMOVALS by Peter Driscoll
REMOVALS: PACKING by Peter Driscoll
Resistance to Celebrating by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Resolutions? Try this! by Miami Phillips
Resources for Celebrating Black History Month by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Revised: We are Going to Live on Mars by Arthur Zulu
Riding the Energy of Ease by Keith Varnum
Rolling your 401k: Contributory IRA vs. Rollover IRA by Ulli G. Niemann
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Safelists Extreme Marketing by Michael Wagner
Salt saves, salt kills. by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Say What? Pay A Buck by Chuck Bauer
Search Engine Optimization and Web Site Usability by Kristy Meghreblian
Search Engines & Optimization by Anthony Parsons
Search Engines 101 - Search Engines Explained by Kristy Meghreblian
Searching for a Home Based Business by Tina Rideout
Second Thoughts? Think Again! by Miami Phillips
Secrets Of A Publisher by Steven Boaze
Secrets of super affiliates by Ron Pioneer
See How To Troubleshoot Your Power Supply by Otis F. Cooper
Selecting Your Work At Home Business Opportunity by Kirk Bannerman
Self-destroying cancer cells: a major breakthrough for medical research by Brenda Townsend Hall
Serious Business by Bob Osgoodby
Set Out a Feast for your Feathered Friends by Debbie Rodgers
Setting High Personal Standards by Steve Brunkhorst
Setting Up An Internet Connection by Robb Kimmer
Seven Steps to Finding a Job You Love by by Deirdre McEachern, ICF Certified Personal Coach
Seven Steps to Finding a Job You Love by Deirdre McEachern
Shakespeare and Human Nature by Lady Camelot
Should I Give Up Me To Not Lose You? by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
SHOULD YOU JOIN AN 'AFFILIATE' PROGRAM? by Anne Ahira
Should You Write a Book? by Steven Van Yoder
Showering: Is Your Health at Risk? by Peter McGarry
Sign Your Own Permission Slip by Claudette Rowley
Simple truth about resistance training by Charles Blain
Simple Weight Loss by Heather Moreno, PeopleFit USA
Single or Double Opt--In? by F. Terrence Markle
Six Tips to Keep Up Your Exercise Motivation by Heather Moreno, PeopleFit USA
Slow Pokes: Short story on the changing world of writing. by M6.net
Small Business Ideas - Your Image Can Lose You Business by Lorraine Pirihi
So you want your own website by Susan Prince
So You've Decided to Finish Your Basement! by Patrick Condon
So Your Lower Back Hurts??? by Jesse Cannone
Software Marketing Creativity by Sharon Housley
Solitude by Sue Dyson
Soy Foods for better health by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Space Pollution by K.A.Cassimally
Spam: The Tasteless Internet Meat of Criminals. by M6.net
Speak Up For Yourself, Create and Communicate Boundries by Kimberly Fulcher
Speaking Your Truth by Keith Varnum
SPECIAL REPORT: Weapons in the Hands of Children by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach
Special Report: What Do IQ Tests and the SAT Measure, and Where Does EQ Fit In? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Spotlight on the Asian-Themed Wedding by Blake Kritzberg
Starting A Home Business: Are You Lost? by Dave Brown
Starting A Home-Based Business by Kirk Bannerman
Starting Your Home Based Business On A Shoestring Budget by Jeff Casmer
Staying Motivationally Nourished by David DeFord
Stock market is overbought by Al Amzin
Stop Foreclosure by Bobby Johnson
Stop Internet Pollution by Chuck Bauer
Stop Sabotaging Your Sales by Bob Leduc
Stop Whining About Google by Sharon Housley
Supply & Demand - Stop Attacking Good SEO Companies! by Martin Lemieux
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Tactics for Ezine Promotion by Prince Ellis
Take a Stand for Yourself by Claudette Rowley
Tales Of The Broke And Famous by Stephen Schochet
Target Market the Key to Your Online Success by Jeremy Gossman
Tech Abuse and Your Child: What You Can Do by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach
Teleconferences: 15 Ways to Promote Yours by Catherine Franz
Ten Amazing Ways to be More Attractive at a Trade Show by Catherine Franz
Ten Fatal Flaws Frequently Found from the Podium by Sandra Schrift
Ten Things to Know About Your Child and Hearing Loss by Susan Dunn, Personal and Professional Development Coach
Ten Tips For Setting (And Keeping) Life Changing Resolutions by Toni Coleman, LCSW
Ten Ways to Add Abundance To Your Mind, Your Life & Your World by Catherine Franz
Testing and Tracking to improve your conversions by John Taylor
The 5 Promises that will help you succeed in your Home Business by Conray Knox
The 6 Biggest Internet Marketing Myths by Paul Penafiel
The Benefits of Coaching, by by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach™
The Best of Walt Disney World by Cara Goldsbury
The Best Online Forums by Jeremy Gossman
The Biggest Fallacy in the World by Colin Dunbar
The Biggest Mistakes That Can Spell Doom For You As A Newsletter Publisher And How To Avoid Them by Ron Pioneer
The Brand Called You by Steven Van Yoder
The Business Strategy that will Work Best for You by Mark Munday
The Chinese Bin Laden: The terrorist leader China forgot by Stephen Sullivan
The Day I Died by Avalon De Witt
The Effect of Increasing Outside work by David Maddern
The Entrepreneur's Text Book, Multiple Streams of Income by John Q. Miller
The Four Elements of Magickal Powers by Stephanie Yeh
The Great Sale(s) After the Sale by Jorge Pinkus / http://www.123-sites.com
The Headline Is Your Lifeline by David Geer
The Health Benefits of Chocolate by Susie Cortright
The Health Benefits of Sex by Susie Michelle Cortright
The Incredible Human Psyche by Lady Camelot
The Last of the Dinosaurs by Tina Rideout
The Lawsuit Matrix by Lady Camelot
The Magic Button That Earns $3, 546 or more by Ron Pioneer
The magic pill to fat loss by Charles Blain
The Marketing Secret To Page Rank (PR) by Anthony Parsons
The Most Important Question To Ask About Your Web Site! by Martin Gateshill
The most Powerfull Persuasion Skill You'll Ever Learn by John M. Satterfield CHt
The Myth of the Writing Fairy by Joseph Devon
The Only Way to Turn New Year Resolutions Into Reality! by Devlyn Steele
The Power of Presence by Claudette Rowley
The Power of the New Year by Mark Susnow
The Problem with Advertising by Christopher Given Dip in Bus Admin, Cert in Mgt, ACMI
The Questions People Ask About Writing Niche Non-Fiction by Jim Green
The S.W.P.D. Recipe for Success by Steve Brunkhorst
The Secret to Instantly Boost Your Self-Esteem by Robert McPhillips
The Separation of God and State by Ed Howes
The Shameful Secret of Illiteracy in America by Penni Wild
The Stars at Night, Are Big and Bright, Deep in the Heart of Texas, and Often Accompanied by Bats by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
The Student Who Knew Too Much by Sue and Chuck DeFiore
The Tale of Mr Newbie and The Truth About Total Failure by Dave Powell
The Ten Commandments of Attitudes For Success by Gaylon L. Avery
The Ten Habits of Highly Effective Speakers by Sandra Schrift
The Top 10 Priorities That Guard Your Five-Star Reputation by Gala Gorman
The Top 10 Questions for Socially Responsible Leaders by Gala Gorman
The Top 3 Stupidest Marketing Methods. (Are You Using Them?) by Terah J Logan
The Top Five 2003 Marketing Tips That Can't Be Ignored by Catherine Franz
The Truth about owning a Work-From-Home Business. by Erik Gassler
The Truth about the Mayo Clinic Diet by Dr. Donald A. Miller
The truth in Advertising by Jane L Jarvis
The Undeniable Power of Suggestion by Lady Camelot
The Universe'll Getcha by Dan Reinhold
The Uygur: Friendless in the Turkic World? by Stephen Sullivan
The Winning Combination by Bob Osgoodby
THE YEAR OF HAPPINESS by Hifzur Rehman
This article will shock you if you use toothpaste by Kathy Joyce
This Piece of Software Does It All by Jim Green
Three Steps Critical to New Year's Resolutions That Work by Jerry Lopper
THREE STEPS TO INTERNET SUCCESS by Debbie Mullinax
Through the Tunnel by Martin Brofman, PhD
Tips for Choosing Log Furniture by Cari Haus
Tips For Disney World First-Timers by Cara Goldsbury
Tips for Increasing Your Profits with Gift Certificates by Rena Klingenberg
Top 3 Free Marketing Techniques by Michael Mclaughlin
Top Ten eBook Mistakes and How to Correct Them by Judy Cullins
Top Ten Most Searched Cities in 2003 for Online Hotel Listings by Katie Glaser
Top Ten Most Searched States for Online TimeShares in 2003 by Katie Glaser
Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically by Ann Ronan, Ph.D.
Top Ten Ways to Achieve Your Goals by Norma Reid
Top Three Secrets To Becoming A Better Thinker by Maya Talisman Frost
Tough Times by Jerry Lopper
Transcendental function programming by Charles Douglas Wehner
Travel Journey to Nepal by Dil Pahari.
Tune Up Your Vision to Ignite Your Business by Claudette Rowley
Turn PPC Campaigns into Riches using Affiliate Storefronts. by George Papazoglou
TV, Video Games, and Your Kids by Mark Brandenburg MA, , CPCC
Twenty-three Percent of African Americans Live in Poverty by Drachir Semaj
Twenty-three Percent of African Americans Live in Poverty by Drahcir Semaj
Two Party Madness by Ed Howes
Two Steps to Improving Your Marketing Success by Joel Sussman
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Unique Selling Proposition On Ebay by Greg Hayes
Unleash the Power of Your Entrepreneurial Network by Claudette Rowley
Unlimited Wealth Creation through Reseller Hosting by Ninad Gupte
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VALENTINE'S DAY: WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? by Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Valentines Day! The Sweet and Romantic Holiday by Merrie Schonbach
Valentines Gifts from the Heart by Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes
Validating Numerical Input with JavaScript by David Morse
Ventilation - A Roofing Issue by Bob W / Four Seasons Roofing and Siding
Vertical Marketing to Your Advantage by Sharon Housley
Vinyl Banners Don't Get No Respect by Rick Hendershot, Trade Show Tips
Viral Marketing for Subscribers / ePublications 2004 by Maria Gates
Visions Of Sugarplums by Bob Osgoodby
Visit Walt Disney World in Style by Cara Goldsbury
Volunteer and Take Your Dog With You by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
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Walking for Fat Loss??? by Jesse Cannone
Wall Street Movie Review - Greed Is Good by John Q. Miller
Walls can cool themselves! by K.A.Cassimally
WALT DISNEY WORLD IN JUST 3 DAYS by Cara Goldsbury
Walt Disney's Psychedelic Movie by Stephen Schochet
We are Going to Live on Mars by Arthur Zulu
We Don't Take Them Crushed by Sue Dyson
Wealthy people became rich thanks to their assets by Steve Simard
Web Blogs Defined, Explained and Understood by Sharon Housley
Web Hosting: Shared or Dedicated - Which should you choose? by Russ Mate
Web Hosts: Helping us navigate through this future techno-world. by m6.net
Website Development: Become Your Own Expert by Theresa V. Wilson
What a Gift by Joyce C. Lock
What About your Intellectual Property Rights? by Susan Dunn, marketing coach
What an Emotional Intelligence Program Can Do For Your Organization in 2004 by Susan Dunn, MA, Psychology, The EQ Coach
What Do You Have to Give? by Deirdre McEachern
What Do Your Customers Really Want? Ask Your Competition by Karon Thackston
What Does 2004 Hold For You? by Jim Edwards
What Has The New Year Got For You ? by Arthur Cooper
What is Coaching? What Do Coaches Do? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
What is NLP? by Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC
WHAT IS OSTEOPOROSIS by j
What Is Shamanic Smudging? by Stephanie Yeh
What Makes a Good Logo Design? by Alif Wahab
What Not to Put On Your Resume by Susan Dunn, Personal and Professional Development Coach
What Would Be Your Idea of a Fun Day? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach™
What's in Your Blind Spot? by Keith Varnum
What's New on the Internet Scene? by Susan Dunn, MA, internet marketing coach
What's Your Plan?Designing Your Future by Miami Phillips
When Amazon.com Ranks Your Book No.3 out of 27, 376 Competing Titles... by Jim Green
When You Need More Than Magic To Keep Your Marketing Going by Catherine Franz
Where Else Would You Take the Family for St. Patrick's Day? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Where Will YOUR Kids Get A Job? by Murdo Macleod
Which TLD by Clare Lawrence
Who else wants to make $3546 by simply Pressing a Button! by Ron Pioneer
Who is John Doe in Spain? in Russia? in France? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Why Aren't You Making Money Online ? by Charles Kangethe
Why Bad Credit People Pay Higher Rates by Dave Czach
Why Do People Cheat? by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Why does Your Company need a Professional Logo Design Service? by Alif Wahab
Why Every Business Needs A Professional Web Site by April Ward
Why God Allows Wickedness And Suffering by Arthur Zulu
Why Join 2 Tier Affiliate Programs? by Terence Tan
Why Not Average Joe: Exploring Melana's Choice by Toni Coleman, LCSW
Why Purchase Search Engine Optimization? by Anthony Parsons
Why Settle for What You Have? by David DeFord
Why Soft Skills Matter in Your Office by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
Why to start business in Ukraine by Arthur Nitsevych
Why Top Search Engine Placements Never Move? by Martin Lemieux
Windows XP and 2000 : speed up by Tabish
Woman-to-Woman, a Skin Care Guide by John Russell
Work at Home and Make Money Writing for Profit by Jim Green
Work At Home, But Don't Become A Slave To Your Business by Kirk Bannerman
Work From Home and Make More Money by Lorraine Pirihi
Working At Home: The First Year Revisited by Kirk Bannerman
Working From Home Is A Family Affair by Theresa V. Wilson
Write Your Own How-To Book By Spring by Jeff Smith
Write Your Way to New Possibilities by Claudette Rowley
Writing a Page Turner by Jennifer Minar
WRITING POWERFUL EFFECTIVE SOLO ADS by Steven Boaze
Written vs. Audio Marketing? by Jeremy Gossman
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You are Being Lied About Reciprocal Links! by Vishal P. Rao
You Are Never Alone by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
You CAN Stop Morning Breath! by Dr. Harold Katz
You Get to Want What You Want by Claudette Rowley
You Need To Optimize Your Site for Search Engines by Diane Hughes
You Really Can Make Money With Your Words by Kirk Bannerman
You Were Born To Succeed by Kelvin Shaw
Your Child's Most Basic Needs! by Frank W. Thatcher Jr.
Your E-Business Strategy: Is It Love ... Or Fear? by Steve Shaw
Your Home Business: Turning Pennies into Dollars! by Jeff Casmer
Your Personal Fortune Is In Your Words! by Ron Pioneer
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Zambia African Safari by Enestle Zimba
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